China & US Seek MDMA-Assisted Therapy to Rekindle Relationship, Overcome Differences
Sitting on opposite beanbags, China and the US avoided eye contact, arms crossed, until the first wave of MDMA hit. “Oh wow,” the US said suddenly…
Category: Drugs
Rudolph’s “Glowing Nose” Exposed as Chronic Nosebleed from Cocaine Addiction: 38 Toots a Day Just to Lead the Pack
Rudolph’s “shiny red nose” wasn’t magic—it was a chronic nosebleed from years of cocaine abuse. As the fallout from Santa’s death continues, the truth about the reindeer team’s dark addiction-fueled history is coming to light. Rehab stalls, bloody snow, and 38 toots a day—this Christmas is far from jolly.
Santa Found Dead in Fentanyl-Laced Cookie Incident: Cartels Clash Over Who Will Be the Next “Saint of Smuggling”
Santa Claus is dead, and so is the Christmas magic. Authorities claim fentanyl-laced cookies were to blame, but insiders now reveal Santa’s true legacy: a smuggling empire disguised as holiday cheer. With rival cartels fighting to install their own “Saint Nick,” Christmas might never be the same.
Methamphetamine-Fed Trees May Remove Enough Atmospheric CO2 to Reverse Climate Change, Cartel Study Finds
A cartel-produced, peer-reviewed study published in this month’s Cartel Science Magazine found that trees fed a soluble methamphetamine based food…
WD-40 to Make Feminine Lubrication for Elderly “Most Difficult Cases”
116 year-old Ma-Huang accepted WD-40’s “What’s Left of Your Life-Time Supply Award” to promote the latest new application for WD-40: feminine dryness.
Seattle Ex-Heroin Addict Says Kicking Favorite Donuts “Twice as Tough”
It started with Lemon Poppy Seed Donuts When he was desperate for a heroin fix, “Jacob” (not real name) would…