Sitting on opposite beanbags, China and the US avoided eye contact, arms crossed, until the first wave of MDMA hit. “Oh wow,” the US said suddenly…
Category: Drugs
Rudolph’s “Glowing Nose” Exposed as Chronic Nosebleed from Cocaine Addiction: 38 Toots a Day Just to Lead the Pack
Rudolph’s “shiny red nose” wasn’t magic—it was a chronic nosebleed from years of cocaine abuse. As the fallout from Santa’s death continues, the truth about the reindeer team’s dark addiction-fueled history is coming to light. Rehab stalls, bloody snow, and 38 toots a day—this Christmas is far from jolly.
Santa Found Dead in Fentanyl-Laced Cookie Incident: Cartels Clash Over Who Will Be the Next “Saint of Smuggling”
Santa Claus is dead, and so is the Christmas magic. Authorities claim fentanyl-laced cookies were to blame, but insiders now reveal Santa’s true legacy: a smuggling empire disguised as holiday cheer. With rival cartels fighting to install their own “Saint Nick,” Christmas might never be the same.
Methamphetamine-Fed Trees May Remove Enough Atmospheric CO2 to Reverse Climate Change, Cartel Study Finds
A cartel-produced, peer-reviewed study published in this month’s Cartel Science Magazine found that trees fed a soluble methamphetamine based food source metabolized – and consequently […]
WD-40 to Make Feminine Lubrication for Elderly “Most Difficult Cases”
116 year-old Ma-Huang accepted WD-40’s “What’s Left of Your Life-Time Supply Award” to promote the latest new application for WD-40: feminine dryness.
Seattle Ex-Heroin Addict Says Kicking Favorite Donuts “Twice as Tough”
It started with Lemon Poppy Seed Donuts When he was desperate for a heroin fix, “Jacob” (not real name) would go to Seattle’s Mighty O […]