Families of victims who perished in a horrendous blaze in Canton, NY, are not entitled to damages from eight female firefighters who arrived at the fatal inferno at least nine minutes late because they could not “go out in public looking like this.”
Footage from security cameras in the station captured the women, all former strippers, masterfully descending a 30 foot pole before suddenly stopping to spend precious minutes applying makeup and then using full-length mirrors to assure themselves they did not “look fat” in their oversized fire uniforms.
The lawsuit further alleges the women, who drive a custom pink firetruck, arrived at the scene blaring “Lil Wayne” with the windows down and a strobe light casting colored light throughout the cabin.
After the ruling, the plaintiffs’ lawyer commented, “we asked the question, ‘do we want to live in a society that hires strippers for our most sacred life-or-death jobs?’, and the answer is apparently yes, we prefer sexual arousal more than life preservation.”
The small town of Canton defended its decision to hire the strippers from a nearby town known for its legendary strip clubs – a beloved destination of local college men, farmers, and even professors.
We don’t have the funds to pay for a full-time firefighting crew. These women make ends meet from the dollar bills our citizens graciously stuff down the shirts of these gorgeous little ladies as they stretch and contort their beautiful, firm bodies while sweating from the sweet heat of a raging fire
Mayor Albert B. Stiffen
The lawsuit is not the first complaint to call out the female firefighters.
Official complaints filed with Canton officials accuse the women of driving “without even the most basic spacial relations capabilities and completely oblivious to the presence of other vehicles.” The pink firetruck has been repaired five times in the last two years for minor body damage resulting from side-swiping parked cars and vehicles pulled-over in the right lane to make room for passing first responders.
However, female firefighters are entitled to equal right to gainful employment without gender discrimination, the judge ruled.
“I don’t like the way my wife drives…in fact, it’s terrifying. She often pauses to apply makeup and inspect her body while asking me, ‘do I look fat?'” said Judget Gerald Thumpen. “But do I deny her the basic human right to female neurosis? No. After years of being judged by shallow, male-driven objectification, she, and all women, have earned the right to say ‘enough is enough'”.
Russell Jerome, of Jerome Fire – the company that sold the “Pink Rocket” to the fire-fighting strippers, commented, “I have never met these women, I have never been to the ‘Manatuna’, and all rumors to the contrary are false.”
When asked for comment about the incident, the female firefighters said, “the only thing we want to say is we’ll be doing our annual ‘wet t-shirt fund-raiser’. Come on down and spray us with a Jerome Fire hose – it’ll be cold, so our nipples will be saying hello! Selfies with us an extra $10. Oh, and a big wet kiss to Russ Jerome of Jerome Fire. We love his sexy ass and can’t wait to see him again!”