Poll: Why Does Melania Trump Always Looks Like She’s Been Crying?
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Whistleblower Alleges Military Has Alien Sex Toys Millions of Years More Advanced Than Ours & Public Has a Right to Play With Them Too
David Grusch testified to Congress for a third time about a massive government UAP cover-up that includes sex toys so advanced they operate on physics we haven’t even discovered.
Rudolph’s “Glowing Nose” Exposed as Chronic Nosebleed from Cocaine Addiction: 38 Toots a Day Just to Lead the Pack
Rudolph’s “shiny red nose” wasn’t magic—it was a chronic nosebleed from years of cocaine abuse. As the fallout from Santa’s death continues, the truth about the reindeer team’s dark addiction-fueled history is coming to light. Rehab stalls, bloody snow, and 38 toots a day—this Christmas is far from jolly.
Santa Found Dead in Fentanyl-Laced Cookie Incident: Cartels Clash Over Who Will Be the Next “Saint of Smuggling”
Santa Claus is dead, and so is the Christmas magic. Authorities claim fentanyl-laced cookies were to blame, but insiders now reveal Santa’s true legacy: a smuggling empire disguised as holiday cheer. With rival cartels fighting to install their own “Saint Nick,” Christmas might never be the same.
Shame & Dishonor Brutalize China After US Cell Hack Exposes Enormous American Dick Pics
BEIJING—What began as the most ambitious cyberattack in Chinese history has ended in a national catastrophe of unprecedented proportions. Hackers from Beijing’s elite “Salt Typhoon” cyber-espionage unit infiltrated nearly all U.S. mobile carriers, hoping to unearth state secrets. Instead, they stumbled upon something far more staggering: a trove of American men’s unsolicited, enormous dick pics.
FBI Says New Jersey Drones Sent By Aliens Looking for “Where that Goddamned Smell Comes From”
What could drones find so interesting about New Jersey? The public and officials try to solve the mystery.
Public Floods Police with “River” of Alibis for Sexy Killer
Report you alibi here! Sightings of the dashing suspect are reported from San Diego to Boston… Alibis Pouring In… All…