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- God's Approval Rating Hits Lowest in 1200 Years; Humanity Suspects Infidelity With a Younger, More Attractive Galaxy ()
- Quantum Computer Decodes God's Mysterious Ways, Explains Why Some Children Die Painful, Horrific Deaths ()
- 'Almost a Hero' Awards ()
- Terminal Illness Restores Spark as Couple Realize This Could Be Their Last Argument ()
- Supreme Court Weighs TikTok Ban, Intellectuals Decry Loss of ‘Humanity’s Great Digital Renaissance’ ()
- China & US Seek MDMA-Assisted Therapy to Rekindle Relationship, Overcome Differences ()
- Local Man Hailed as ‘Almost a Hero’ After Half-Assed Effort Thwarting a Thief ()
- AI Breakthrough: ChatGPT to Get Artificial Libido, Researchers Eye Artificial Temper Next ()
- Man Briefly Hailed as Hero ()
- Trump Prompts ChatGPT For Full List Of Sex Crimes Covered By Presidential Immunity ()
- Unearthed Scrolls Reveal Mother Mary Wanted a Girl; Furious Only Boys Chosen for History's Brutal, Public Crucifixions ()
- Association of Black Women Entrepreneurs Inspires Aspiring White Men to Form Their Own Alliance ()
- Study Determines What Girls Mean Whey They Say They Just Want to Have “Fun" ()
- Glamour Magazine for Dogs Creates Scandal With New "Scratch & Sniff a Bitch Scenterfold" ()
- Poll: Why Does Melania Trump Always Looks Like She's Been Crying? ()
- Whistleblower Alleges Military Has Alien Sex Toys Millions of Years More Advanced Than Ours & Public Has a Right to Play With Them Too ()
- Shame & Dishonor Brutalize China After US Cell Hack Exposes Enormous American Dick Pics ()
- Rudolph’s “Glowing Nose” Exposed as Chronic Nosebleed from Cocaine Addiction: 38 Toots a Day Just to Lead the Pack ()
- Santa Found Dead in Fentanyl-Laced Cookie Incident: Cartels Clash Over Who Will Be the Next "Saint of Smuggling" ()
- Shame & Dishonor Brutalize China After US Cell Hack Exposes Enormous American Dick Pics ()
- FBI Says New Jersey Drones Sent By Aliens Looking for "Where that Goddamned Smell Comes From" ()
- Public Floods Police with "River" of Alibis for Sexy Killer ()
- Millions of New Yorkers Dress as Healthcare CEO's Killer, Flood Tip Line With Reports of… Each Other ()
- Hitler’s Ghost ‘Gobsmacked’ by Trump’s Admiration, Say Hundreds of Psychics ()
- Judge Upholds Female Firefighters' Right to "Not Go Out in Public Looking Like This" ()
- Le Canine, Jan 2022: Existential Issue ()
- NASA's $2.7B "Perseverance" Rover Finds "Totally Disgusting" Microbial Life on Mars ()
- Methamphetamine-Fed Trees May Remove Enough Atmospheric CO2 to Reverse Climate Change, Cartel Study Finds ()
- Because you're sophisticated, modern, and discerning. ()
- Whistleblower Alleges Government's "UFO" Report Omits Inter-Galactic Sex Trafficking ()
- Scientists Detect "Extremely Loud and Offensive" Radio Signal From Nearby Star; Send Even More Offensive Message Back ()
- As Hospital Beds Run Low, Speculation of AirBnB Solution Leaks ()
- Forget Riding For Dollars, Fund Raisers Hit Big With Porn-Style Money-Shots-For-Mom Dollars ()
- Grandma Vs. Technology: Photo & Caption Contest ()
- "Digital Down Syndrome" Is An Elderly Epidemic With Treatment Options - So Why Don't We Use Them? ()
- Trump Successful Bringing Hard Labor Jobs Back to US for Mexican Workers ()
- Women Fight For More Pay. Men Fight Back. ()
- Bullying Best Exercise for Obese Children, Might Even Save Lives, Study Finds ()
- Judge Orders Spelling Bee Use Urban Dictionary Words; White Students Eliminated in Qualifying Rounds "Just Like Track & Field" Laments Tucker Carlson ()
- OSHA "Horrified" Bulletproof Vest Being Tested on Workers Without Ear Protection ()
- 2018 Amish Women Calendar Available Despite Fierce Elder Resistance to "Shameful Pimping" ()
- Chippendales Dancers Accuse Ellen DeGeneres of Sexual Improprieties ()
- Alabama Senator's Adorable Outfit Came With Matching Pistol ()
- Koko the Sign-Language Gorilla Joins "Me Too" Movement With Allegations of Sexual Assault ()
- In Epic Wave of Brevity, Sexually Desirable Women Call Out Harassers ()
- Poll: Should Aliens be Allowed into Heaven? ()
- Loud Country Music Forces Hotel Guest to Go Ballistic ()
- Black Man Abducted & Beaten by Aliens. Local Police “In Awe” of Sophisticated Alien Beating ()
- Lottery Winner Inspires Others, "If I Can Beat the Odds, Anyone Can!" ()
- Quantum Computer Decodes God's Mysterious Ways, Predicts Which Children Will Die Horrific Deaths ()
- Statistician Charles Murray's Data Remains Racist Despite Protests ()
- Four Surprising Things You Don't Know About Teen Jesus ()
- Japanese Firms Discover Competitive Edge: Require Men Masturbate Before Work ()
- Caption Contest: Headline for Condom Ad ()
- WD-40 to Make Feminine Lubrication for Elderly "Most Difficult Cases" ()
- Dyslexic Man Found Not Guilty of Date Rape, Citing "No Means On" ()
- Hackers Deface Christian Billboards in Bible Country ()
- New Police Sunglasses Causing Problems in White Neighborhoods ()
- Seattle Ex-Heroin Addict Says Kicking Favorite Donuts "Twice as Tough" ()
- Seattle Nurse Laments She Caused Another Dying 14 Year Old Boy's Wish to Not Die a Virgin ()
- Capitol Hill "Street Throne" Appears Again at Summit & Olive Triggering Customary Performance Art ()
- Anchor Not Pretty Enough for Roger Ailes to Harass is Leaving Fox ()
- No Survivors After Legendary SF Gay Cruise Ship Sinks After Making "Histrionic" and "Incoherent" Mayday Call ()
- Mild & Extreme Christian Terrorist Groups Compete for Media Attention with Planned Parenthood Attacks ()
- Police Exceed African American Hiring Quotas With Unexpected Canine Training Jobs ()
- Dog Park Water Bowl Spiked with Viagra Yet Again; Police Press Conference a Viral Hit ()
- Seychelles Lisp Recidivism Association Phone Fund-Raiser a Flop ()
- Black Man with Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome Ejaculates 12 Times During Rough Police Beating ()
- NASA Celebrates Exciting Discovery of Female Employee Worthy of Male Salary ()
- Kim Davis Caption Contest (Deadline Aug 1) ()
- Heavy Menstruation, Not Activism, Caused Rosa Parks' Famous Refusal to Surrender Bus Seat, Constroversial Study Finds ()
