Local resident Derek Harmon was officially recognized as “Almost a Hero” after making almost enough of an effort to catch a purse snatcher.
Author: Ofelia Uppen-Downe
AI Breakthrough: ChatGPT to Get Artificial Libido, Researchers Eye Artificial Temper Next
Scientists at OpenAI have announced that ChatGPT will soon have an artificial libido, claiming it will bring a “human-like enthusiasm” to conversations.
Man Briefly Hailed as Hero
Winner #1 of SKOD’s new ‘Almost a Hero’ award went to Greg Larson of Peoria, IL. Larson was a hero for a few minutes before he opened his mouth and killed the vibe.
Trump Prompts ChatGPT For Full List Of Sex Crimes Covered By Presidential Immunity
Typing the word “HYPOTHETICALLY” 247 in all caps, Donald Trump turned to ChatGPT this week to clarify whether presidential immunity covers “misunderstood hugs” and other hypothetical sex crimes.
Unearthed Scrolls Reveal Mother Mary Wanted a Girl; Furious Only Boys Chosen for History’s Brutal, Public Crucifixions
Mary believed girls were equally capable of screaming in agony during a horric, bloody crucifixion, and would dress more fashionally for such an important historic event.
Association of Black Women Entrepreneurs Inspires Aspiring White Men to Form Their Own Alliance
A group has announced they are the first association of white male entrepreneurs ever formed in the country, crediting the Association of Black Women Entrepreneurs for their inspiration.
Study Determines What Girls Mean Whey They Say They Just Want to Have “Fun”
A University of Utah study sent shockwaves through the local Mormon community shortly after its publication.
Glamour Magazine for Dogs Creates Scandal With New “Scratch & Sniff a Bitch Scenterfold”
La Canine, the glamour magazine loved by dogs all over the world, is struggling with a PR crisis after introducing a “Scenterfold” for “scratching and sniffing fine bitches”.