With God’s approval rating tanking to a record-low 36%, humanity is reeling from what many are calling “a toxic, one-sided relationship.” Disillusioned believers are accusing the Almighty of emotionally ghosting Earth to focus on “some newer, shinier galaxy.”
Sitting on opposite beanbags, China and the US avoided eye contact, arms crossed, until the first wave of MDMA hit. “Oh wow,” the US said suddenly…
Mary believed girls were equally capable of screaming in agony during a horric, bloody crucifixion, and would dress more fashionally for such an important historic event.
A University of Utah study sent shockwaves through the local Mormon community shortly after its publication.
La Canine, the glamour magazine loved by dogs all over the world, is struggling with a PR crisis after introducing a “Scenterfold” for “scratching and sniffing fine bitches”.
David Grusch testified to Congress for a third time about a massive government UAP cover-up that includes sex toys so advanced they operate on physics we haven’t even discovered.
Rudolph’s “shiny red nose” wasn’t magic—it was a chronic nosebleed from years of cocaine abuse. As the fallout from Santa’s death continues, the truth about the reindeer team’s dark addiction-fueled history is coming to light. Rehab stalls, bloody snow, and 38 toots a day—this Christmas is far from jolly.
