Sitting on opposite beanbags, China and the US avoided eye contact, arms crossed, until the first wave of MDMA hit. “Oh wow,” the US said suddenly…
Category: Politics
Trump Prompts ChatGPT For Full List Of Sex Crimes Covered By Presidential Immunity
Typing the word “HYPOTHETICALLY” 247 in all caps, Donald Trump turned to ChatGPT this week to clarify whether presidential immunity covers “misunderstood hugs” and other hypothetical sex crimes.
Poll: Why Does Melania Trump Always Looks Like She’s Been Crying?
Take the poll now, or submit your own explanation.
Whistleblower Alleges Military Has Alien Sex Toys Millions of Years More Advanced Than Ours & Public Has a Right to Play With Them Too
David Grusch testified to Congress for a third time about a massive government UAP cover-up that includes sex toys so advanced they operate on physics we haven’t even discovered.
FBI Says New Jersey Drones Sent By Aliens Looking for “Where that Goddamned Smell Comes From”
What could drones find so interesting about New Jersey? The public and officials try to solve the mystery.
Hitler’s Ghost ‘Gobsmacked’ by Trump’s Admiration, Say Hundreds of Psychics
Hitler’s Ghost Was Adorable: Giggling, Blushing Like a Schoolgirl Meeting Her First Crush In an unexpected twist from beyond the grave, hundreds of psychics worldwide reported this week that Adolf Hitler’s ghost is “absolutely gobsmacked” to learn of Donald Trump’s admiration. The spectral Führer is said to be “tickled pink” and “adorably cute” by Trump’s […]
NASA’s $2.7B “Perseverance” Rover Finds “Totally Disgusting” Microbial Life on Mars
Bacteria Commonly Found in Public Bathrooms is First Extraterrestrial Life Found, Space Agency Admits NASA’s Mars rover cost $2.7B After spending “you don’t want to know how much” of tax-payers’ money sending a sophisticated probe to Mars, NASA announced in an email that the Perseverance probe found only simple organic molecules that, at best, raise […]
Trump Successful Bringing Hard Labor Jobs Back to US for Mexican Workers
Fulfilling his campaign promise to bring jobs back to the US, president Donald Trump declared today success. “Thanks to me alone, I brought those factory jobs too difficult for reasonable white workers back home to be filled by our hard-working migrant Mexicans – the good ones,” Trump said today. “They do such a great job […]