Hitler’s Ghost Was Adorable: Giggling, Blushing Like a Schoolgirl Meeting Her First Crush In an unexpected twist from beyond the grave, hundreds of psychics worldwide reported this week that Adolf Hitler’s ghost is “absolutely gobsmacked” to learn of Donald Trump’s admiration. The spectral Führer is said to be “tickled pink” and “adorably cute” by Trump’s […]
Judge Upholds Female Firefighters’ Right to “Not Go Out in Public Looking Like This”
“I can’t go out in public looking like this” is a valid reason for a female firefighter to need additional time arriving onsite at a fire, court rules.
Le Canine, Jan 2022: Existential Issue
Existential Issue: Are We Stuck in Here & Now Forever
NASA’s $2.7B “Perseverance” Rover Finds “Totally Disgusting” Microbial Life on Mars
Bacteria Commonly Found in Public Bathrooms is First Extraterrestrial Life Found, Space Agency Admits NASA’s Mars rover cost $2.7B After spending “you don’t want to know how much” of tax-payers’ money sending a sophisticated probe to Mars, NASA announced in an email that the Perseverance probe found only simple organic molecules that, at best, raise […]
Methamphetamine-Fed Trees May Remove Enough Atmospheric CO2 to Reverse Climate Change, Cartel Study Finds
A cartel-produced, peer-reviewed study published in this month’s Cartel Science Magazine found that trees fed a soluble methamphetamine based food source metabolized – and consequently eliminated from the atmosphere – 50-110% more carbon dioxide (CO2), a greenhouse gas implicated as a primary driver of climate change, than trees in the control group fed a normal […]
Because you’re sophisticated, modern, and discerning.
Volume One – Le Canine Magazine for the Sophisticated, Modern Dog
Whistleblower Alleges Government’s “UFO” Report Omits Inter-Galactic Sex Trafficking
Lizard alients are particularly horny, their sex toys use technology that makes them “fucking incredible” Aliens are here and the government has no intention of coming clean. That’s the claim of an anonymous government whistleblower. Additionally, the aliens are reptilian, and they have been abducting large numbers of reptiles from Earth to have sex with. […]
Scientists Detect “Extremely Loud and Offensive” Radio Signal From Nearby Star; Send Even More Offensive Message Back
A team known as “The Breakthrough Listen Astronomers” discovered a radio signal emanating from the direction of Proxima Centauri, the closest star to our sun, just 4.2 light-years away and which UFOlogists claim are home to aliens which have been visiting Earth for thousands of years. Dr. Larry Fix of University of Pittsburgh was working […]