WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the Supreme Court deliberates a ban on TikTok, the app’s creators and supporters are fervently defending what they call “a digital library of unparalleled cultural significance.” Critics of the ban argue that TikTok is more than just an app—it’s the cornerstone of modern intellectual exchange. Yet, the examples they cite have left many scratching their heads.
TikTok creator Ava Skylar, known for her viral series “How Many Grapes Can Fit In My Mouth Without Swallowing”, sat down with us to discuss her process. “It’s not just shoving fruit in my face,” Skylar said, adjusting her beret. “I started developing my oral skills in eigth grade, putting smaller things in my mouth, and each year those things got bigger until senior year when I could fit large items in my mouth without gagging,” she said. “I’m basically the Da Vinci of oral-based performance art.”
When asked about the platform’s importance, Skylar became emotional. “If they ban TikTok, where will people go to watch me? YouTube? That’s for amateurs. I’m a survivor though, I’ll find an audience that appreciates a girl with oral skills,” Skylar said.
The Alleged National Security Threat of ‘Cultural Artifacts’
Proponents of the ban argue that TikTok’s Chinese parent company, ByteDance, poses a national security risk. However, creators like Mason Tucker, famous for his series “Milk Gallon Challenge: Epic Fail Remix”, claim that their work transcends politics.
“Sure, some say this app could be used for espionage,” Tucker said. “But what about my montage of dudes puking milk in slow motion? That’s art. That’s history. It took me six hours to edit the soundtrack to match the cadence of the splashes. You think the Library of Congress is gonna preserve that? Doubt it.”
Tucker’s videos, often accompanied by dubstep remixes of The Star-Spangled Banner, have amassed millions of views. He believes the government is undervaluing the app’s educational content.
‘Protecting the Great Works of Our Time’
In an impassioned statement during the Supreme Court’s hearing, TikTok lawyer Noel Francisco described the platform as a modern-day Alexandria. “Would Congress have banned Shakespeare or Michelangelo for being too influential? TikTok creators are the cultural titans of the digital age. Losing this app would be like burning the Mona Lisa—or worse, deleting Grape Girl’s ‘Oopsie-Daisy Supercut.’”
The platform’s defenders highlighted works such as:
- A 20-part tutorial on how to turn your ex’s texts into motivational wall art.
- The 12-second clip titled “Dog Posing With Crocs: Existential Edition”.
- And the profoundly viral “Toilet Paper Pyramid Collapse (Epic Crying)”, which critics called “a haunting metaphor for late capitalism.”
Supreme Court Justices React to Content Examples
Justice Elena Kagan reportedly struggled to suppress a chuckle after watching “Pasta Strainer as Hat: Avant-Garde or Accident?” during a court recess. “I see why people are passionate about this,” she admitted.
Chief Justice Roberts, however, expressed skepticism, calling the content “an incomprehensible fever dream,” though he conceded its popularity demonstrated “a potent cultural pull.”
