equal pay

Women Fight For More Pay. Men Fight Back.

By Ofelia Uppen-Downe in Equality, News, Politics No Comments Tags: activism, equal pay, equality, feminism, gender, ORGASM, salaries

Men are angry and fighting back after their pay advantage hit the lowest since records were kept in 1899.

Last Friday the federal government announced the gender pay gap hit 1.5%, the smallest pay difference between men and women since 1899, the year records started being kept.

“We’ve been fighting for equal pay for about 120 years – at some point you’ve got to expect men to start pushing back. Women want what is theirs, even if it comes at a cost to men,” said Margaret Dutch, the president of Organization to Redistribute Gender Aligned Salaries on Merit (ORGASM).

Billboards and Facebook ads with disparaging messages about gender roles appeared within hours.

“Finally, after 120 years, men have finally noticed the central role ORGASM has played in women’s lives and guess what…they don’t like it,” Ms. Dutch said. “Men are going to do everything in their power to make sure women don’t enjoy the benefits of ORGASM”.

“Men have finally noticed the central role ORGASM has played in women’s lives and guess what…they don’t like it.”

“Coming at a Cost to Men”

For over a century at least, men didn’t even know that ORGASM existed for women. But once men’s pay advantage began diminishing, they learned of ORGASM and began keeping a watchful eye out. Now, following the recent announcement, ORGASM’s accomplishments for women have finally crossed an invisible line: ORGASM’s benefits to women are seen as “coming at a cost to men”, said Ms. Dutch.

Billboards Erected By Men in Protest; Volume & Rate of New Erections Cause Women Anxiety

Women Launch “Take Down Men’s (Big) Erections” Campaign

president of ORGASM — “I am so proud of what ORGASM means to women everywhere,” said Ms. Dutch, ORGASM’s president.

Facebook ads celebrating the achievement of men throughout history could be seen just hours after the record-low pay gap was announced. Billboards with gender role declarations were erected by men also within hours. Reports estimating the number of men’s erections were around 5,000 nationally.

But ORGASM had been planning for “round two”, responding by launching an ad campaign demanding the billboards (referred to creatively in ads as “men’s erections (the big and brainless ones)”) be taken down (comically suggesting men wouldn’t be able to keep them up very long anyway…you know, billboards are expensive).

“Men think they can change people’s minds by erecting these brainless symbols everywhere we look,” Ms. Dutch commented about the billboards erected as a counter-strategy. “The next election is going to be, in a very big way, about these erections. I call it the ‘erection direction election’ because at the end of the day, ORGASM will either be here for women or gone for men.”

NASA Celebrates Exciting Discovery of Female Employee Worthy of Male Salary

By Ofelia Uppen-Downe in Article Shorts, Editor's Picks, News, Science & Technology No Comments Tags: employment, equal pay, equal rights, NASA, science, women's rights

NASA celebrates hiring its second female employee. — Married lesbians first females awarded male status

NASA took its first giant step forward for “womankind” by announcing it had finally found a female employee qualified for male compensation.

“We’ve all known for years that, theoretically at least, a woman could become a ‘rocket scientist’, even if only a mediocre one.” NASA wrote on its website. “This mission was one of our longer explorations, but we’ve done it, we found a female employee worthy of a junior level male salary.”

Critics point to the lesson learned from astronaut Sally Ride. “When Sally died in 2012, she had kept her sexuality a secret for decades,” HR Director Fran Man said. “She kept that secret right up to her death, presumably because she wanted to be known as Ride the Astronaut, not, Ride the Lesbian Astronaut, even if she was Ride the Lesbian Astronaut. And one thing everyone in HR knows, if you compare a lesbian to a man, you’re going to get a black eye.”

This mission was one of our longer explorations, but we’ve done it, we found a female employee worthy of a junior level male salary.

Lesbians are often comfortable in males roles — Lesbian astronauts often perform male duties both at work and in the home

NASA’s HR department responded to this criticism in its blog, writing “Lesbians often perform male duties both at work and in the home, and we don’t understand why anyone would oppose giving such employees more money. If the employee asks for the lower salary back, we’ll oblige.”