feminism

Women Fight For More Pay. Men Fight Back.

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menfightback

Men are angry and fighting back after their pay advantage hit the lowest since records were kept in 1899.
Last Friday the federal government announced the gender pay gap hit 1.5%, the smallest pay difference between men and women since 1899, the year records started being kept.

“We’ve been fighting for equal pay for about 120 years – at some point you’ve got to expect men to start pushing back. Women want what is theirs, even if it comes at a cost to men,” said Margaret Dutch, the president of Organization to Redistribute Gender Aligned Salaries on Merit (ORGASM).

Billboards and Facebook ads with disparaging messages about gender roles appeared within hours.

“Finally, after 120 years, men have finally noticed the central role ORGASM has played in women’s lives and guess what…they don’t like it,” Ms. Dutch said. “Men are going to do everything in their power to make sure women don’t enjoy the benefits of ORGASM”.

“Men have finally noticed the central role ORGASM has played in women’s lives and guess what…they don’t like it.”

“Coming at a Cost to Men”

For over a century at least, men didn’t even know that ORGASM existed for women. But once men’s pay advantage began diminishing, they learned of ORGASM and began keeping a watchful eye out. Now, following the recent announcement, ORGASM’s accomplishments for women have finally crossed an invisible line: ORGASM’s benefits to women are seen as “coming at a cost to men”, said Ms. Dutch.

Billboards Erected By Men in Protest; Volume & Rate of New Erections Cause Women Anxiety

Women Launch “Take Down Men’s (Big) Erections” Campaign

president of ORGASM
“I am so proud of what ORGASM means to women everywhere,” said Ms. Dutch, ORGASM’s president.

Facebook ads celebrating the achievement of men throughout history could be seen just hours after the record-low pay gap was announced. Billboards with gender role declarations were erected by men also within hours. Reports estimating the number of men’s erections were around 5,000 nationally.

But ORGASM had been planning for “round two”, responding by launching an ad campaign demanding the billboards (referred to creatively in ads as “men’s erections (the big and brainless ones)”) be taken down (comically suggesting men wouldn’t be able to keep them up very long anyway…you know, billboards are expensive).

“Men think they can change people’s minds by erecting these brainless symbols everywhere we look,” Ms. Dutch commented about the billboards erected as a counter-strategy. “The next election is going to be, in a very big way, about these erections. I call it the ‘erection direction election’ because at the end of the day, ORGASM will either be here for women or gone for men.”

OSHA “Horrified” Bulletproof Vest Being Tested on Workers Without Ear Protection

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Vests being tested with ear protection only worn by management.

OSHA was “shocked and horrified” to learn of quality control workers at bullet-proof vest manufacturers who were taking hundreds of bullets in a shift with nothing to protect their ears from the loud blast of the gunfire.

“We saw many pictures where management is wearing ear protection as they fire bullets into the vest of an employee with no ear protection,” said OSHA case worker KC Swenson. “The obliviousness of management for the basic safety requirements of their workers is appalling.”

“This is a serious violation – at least 1/4 inch ear plugs are required for safety.”

OSHA Director kc swenson

 

New OSHA guidelines mandate earplugs for all bullet-proof test employees

Buxom Women Five Times More Likely to Get Bulletproof Vest Test Job

Men accused of creepy behavior while shooting at chest

OSHA found a disturbing pattern of male managers shooting female workers repeatedly with no protection.

“This is just unacceptable.  1/2 inch ear plugs are required for safety,” OSHA’s KC Swenson.

OSHA: “Male Managers Repeatedly Shot Women With No Protection”

“I found a disturbing pattern of male managers shooting women over and over again with no protection,” Mr. Swenson said in his report.

Management firing bullets into female worker with no protection
Management firing bullets into female worker with no protection



In Epic Wave of Brevity, Sexually Desirable Women Call Out Harassers

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louisck

Throughout the nation, women continued to come forward and accuse high-profile men of sexually improprieties after Harvey Weinstein’s accusers triggered a monumental movement that is still unraveling in the public eye.

Louis CK asked permission to masturbate, which although technically is legal, is just so creepy he had to go on the list.
Louis CK asked permission to masturbate, which although technically is legal, is just so creepy he had to go on the list.

History will remember the brave stand of these sexually desirable women who, together, said “enough is enough” and outed the men who (allegedly) sexually harassed or assaulted them.

The list of celebrities had grown to at least twenty high profile Hollywood names as of this morning, many of whom had been fired, resigned, or suffered the consequences of their actions in some other way.

While most men were (understandably) accused of targeting attractive women, Kevin Spacey’s allegations shocked the public. Spacey, who was accused of fondling men, women, and children indiscriminately, was expected to have higher standards.

“I’m shocked by Kevin Spacey, I mean, he’s such a big name, he should be harassing young hotties,”

“I’m shocked by Kevin Spacey, I mean, he’s such a big name, he should be harassing young hotties,” said Kyle Johnson, 17, of Long Island, NY. “I don’t understand getting that far just to grope a guy?? Shit, I can do that now and get away with it.”

17 year old Kyle Johnson of Long Island had much to say about the historic step forward for most women.
17 year old Kyle Johnson of Long Island had much to say about the historic step forward for most women.

Twitter blew up with speculation that men, fearing repercussion, would move on to less attractive women. Kyle Johnson of Long Island weighed in on that discussion. When asked about his Twitter comments, Kyle (who insisted on not being called “Mr. Johnson”) said, “so here is how it is…we’re not even talking fine bitches, we’re talking fuckable, which is generally considered a six if you’re sober and you’re friends are going to meet her. So the six through tens of the world have had enough of this shit, they’re tired, all right? So they said, ‘fuck this shit, we’re outta here’ and now guys are going to move on to the five’s. The five’s are all jealous of the six through tens for getting all the attention, so now it’s their turn and they’re going to eat it up. So that’s what I was saying on Twitter, but not everyone is down with that, some haters calling me some nasty shit for just saying what’s up” Kyle said.

“When it’s someone attractive doing it, it’s flattering and welcome. But when someone not in your league makes a move, it’s harassment.”

Academics Explain Confusing Details

Dr. Paul Joseph helped the public understand the unraveling events
Dr. Paul Joseph helped the public understand the unraveling events

With so much confusion around why this is happening now and what it all means, the media called on their expert commentators for answers.

“To be clear, what we are talking about are women who are at least a six [on a scale of one to ten] being approached by men not in their league,” said Dr. Paul Joseph, a sexual psychologist at Brunswick University. “When it’s someone attractive doing it, it’s flattering and welcome. But when someone not in your league makes a move, it’s harassment.”