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Seattle Nurse Laments She Caused Another Dying 14 Year Old Boy’s Wish to Not Die a Virgin
“It’s so cute how he sexually harasses me,” Nurse Carmella Marquez, a Capitol Hill resident, told our photographer as our news crew showed up to interview everyone involved in this very odd Wish Foundation case. “Try to get a picture of him with that lustful little grin on his face.”
And so we did…
Lester’s crush and dying wish is not new to Carmella Marquez. Lester is the 12th dying boy this year with this sexual wish.
“There have been so many boys who have died with that wish, I can’t even remember most of their names,” she said.
Nurse Carmella knows how to spot a growing crush
After burying “probably a dozen” boys with this last wish, Carmella looks for early signs of a growing crush, such as crumpled tissues sticking to their bellies so the hospital can transfer the boy to an older, less attractive nurse. We asked her if any of the other nurses on staff were hot enough that a teenage boy might develop a crush.
“The other nurses on staff are…well, let’s just say it’s definitely safe to transfer a teenage boy to them,” she told us.
Lester’s Wish Gets Scheduled
As with all the previous dying boys, The Wish Foundation, with Carmella’s blessing, granted the boys’ wishes. On a calendar by their bedside, a date was circled with a giant red marker with the words, “Carmella Sleep Over!”.
We were shocked that the foundation and Carmella would go so far for the boys. “Wow, I’ve never seen so much dedication to a charity,” I said.
Carmella laughed. “You think I’d sleep with those creepy little kids? We booked their dates eight weeks in advance. None of them had a week left in them.”
“You think I’d sleep with those creepy little kids? We booked their dates eight weeks in advance. None of them had a week left in them.”
Click here to donate money to The Wish Foundation.
Anchor Not Pretty Enough for Roger Ailes to Harass is Leaving Fox
“I don’t want to be sexually harassed, but I want others to want to sexually harass me” – Greta Van Susteren (not the pretty one)
You probably heard by now, Greta Van Susteren is leaving Fox News. To be clear, since there are two Fox News hosts leaving, a Greta and a Gretchen, do you know Greta from Gretchen?
“I hated hearing, ‘Gretchen, you know, the pretty host'” Greta Van Susteren (not the pretty one) wrote in a blog post about her leaving Fox News.
The timing of Greta’s departure (almost immediately after Gretchen’s $20M sexual harassment settlement) invited the perception that Greta was standing with Gretchen, one woman getting another woman’s back. The blog post made it clear this was not the case.
“Don’t get me wrong,” Greta wrote, “I don’t want to be sexually harassed, but I want others to want to sexually harass me.”
The Pretty One Gets the Payout
And that’s understandable. Gretchen Carlson rose to fame when selected as Miss America in 1989, and to riches when selected for sexual harassment in 2015 that ended with the high profile $20M settlement.
So, to make sure the news is accurately published, Greta Van Susteren (not the pretty one) is leaving Fox News not for any “girl power” sort of reason, but because she didn’t want to stick around after the pretty one left and have to compete with other women to be the one a powerful white executive would want to sexually harass.
No Survivors After Legendary SF Gay Cruise Ship Sinks After Making “Histrionic” and “Incoherent” Mayday Call
Officials are investigating why a professional cruise ship crew, and in particular the captain, was unable to remain calm and execute an emergency procedure as the boat sank Saturday morning near San Francisco, leaving no survivors. Officials describe the mayday call as “histrionic and incoherent”, and suspect this behavior had something to do with why the boat sank.
“These commercial cruises are operated by professional crews that practice emergency procedures regularly so that they can do them in any adverse environment” a spokesman from the Coast Guard said, “We may never know what caused the captain to lose his composure and cry, scream, and wail on the emergency channel.”
We may never know what caused the captain to lose his composure and cry, scream, and wail on the emergency channel
The recording of the call may have other clues, and officials are using software to analyze the other sounds in the background. “It’s quite a challenge sifting through all the chaos on that recording,” said Mark Levine, a sound engineer from San Francisco’s esteemed Pyramind audio institute, who was contracted for the project. “Everything is basically drowned out by ‘Dancing Queen’, which sounds as if it was being played through the ship’s internal broadcast, which I think is against the rules.”
The internal broadcast is reserved for official ship announcements, which, if ‘Dancing Queen’ was being played, would explain why emergency procedure instructions were likely not communicated to passengers.
“Well, it’s a bit more complicated,” said one official, speaking on the condition of anonymity. “Some of these gay cruise ships actually give emergency sing/song instructions using ABBA or Elton John music. It’s the only way they can get the attention of 150 partying gay men. It might sound odd, but you try to find a better way.”
Some of these gay cruise ships actually give emergency sing/song instructions using ABBA music. It’s the only way they can get the attention of 150 partying gay men. It might sound odd, but you try to find a better way.
