Jesus may have been the son of God, but as a teenager, his four quirks may have led you to believe otherwise.
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Four Surprising Things You Don’t Know About Teen Jesus
sex
WD-40 to Make Feminine Lubrication for Elderly “Most Difficult Cases”
WD-40 Claims it “Cleans & Lubricates Any Pipe You’ve Got”
Oldest Woman Alive Accepts WD-40 “What’s Left of Your Lifetime Supply” Award
“When I use WD-40, the rust comes out and I’m moist and ready to go,” Huang said.
After a few hundred humiliating encounters that left dried flakes on her partners, word was out about 116 year-old Ma-Huang’s dryness. Crowned with the nickname “Snowflake”, her reputation was preventing her from enjoying one of the few pleasures she had left.
“When you’re old, there’s not a lot to do. If your reputation is getting in the way of sex, you might as well be dead,” Ma-Huang said. “One of the nurses at my elderly care home told me that WD-40 had donated a case of their products for us to try. Just two squirts and years of matted, dried skin began falling out of me. Within minutes, all that stuff was gone and I was so wet you’d have to hold on or you’d slide right up to my throat,” Huang said. “I mean that…literally, my right cheeks are still swollen from the last well-endowed guy who lost his grip while he was jack-hammering me.”
“…you’d have to hold on or you’d slide right up to my throat,” Huang said. “I mean that…literally, my right cheeks are still swollen from the last well-endowed guy who lost his grip while he was jack-hammering me.”
WD-40: Your Pleasure is Our Pleasure
“When we think of our female senior citizens using our products so they can feel alive and human once again, we feel their pleasure,” a company spokeswoman said. “We hope it will help them do things faster…do things that are harder and Jesus Christ don’t stop…using it!”
“We hope it will help them do things faster…do things that are harder and Jesus Christ don’t stop…using it!”
Seattle Nurse Laments She Caused Another Dying 14 Year Old Boy’s Wish to Not Die a Virgin
“It’s so cute how he sexually harasses me,” Nurse Carmella Marquez, a Capitol Hill resident, told our photographer as our news crew showed up to interview everyone involved in this very odd Wish Foundation case. “Try to get a picture of him with that lustful little grin on his face.”
And so we did…
Lester’s crush and dying wish is not new to Carmella Marquez. Lester is the 12th dying boy this year with this sexual wish.
“There have been so many boys who have died with that wish, I can’t even remember most of their names,” she said.
Nurse Carmella knows how to spot a growing crush
After burying “probably a dozen” boys with this last wish, Carmella looks for early signs of a growing crush, such as crumpled tissues sticking to their bellies so the hospital can transfer the boy to an older, less attractive nurse. We asked her if any of the other nurses on staff were hot enough that a teenage boy might develop a crush.
“The other nurses on staff are…well, let’s just say it’s definitely safe to transfer a teenage boy to them,” she told us.
Lester’s Wish Gets Scheduled
As with all the previous dying boys, The Wish Foundation, with Carmella’s blessing, granted the boys’ wishes. On a calendar by their bedside, a date was circled with a giant red marker with the words, “Carmella Sleep Over!”.
We were shocked that the foundation and Carmella would go so far for the boys. “Wow, I’ve never seen so much dedication to a charity,” I said.
Carmella laughed. “You think I’d sleep with those creepy little kids? We booked their dates eight weeks in advance. None of them had a week left in them.”
“You think I’d sleep with those creepy little kids? We booked their dates eight weeks in advance. None of them had a week left in them.”
Click here to donate money to The Wish Foundation.
