Alibis Pouring In...
All over the country, people are reporting alleged November 30, 2024 sightings of the “person of interest”.
“I saw his sexy ass that morning, he was in my bed here in Boston, sandwidged between these big pasty thighs,” Shirley Cantonelli, 32 of Boston, MA wrote in Some Kind of Diaper’s Alibi Book (below). “And I know the exact time, because I told him, ‘hey love nuts, I only have 90 minutes this morning, will that be enough time for you? And he jumped on top of me and drove it home like the champion that he is until 8:22 AM,” Shirly wrote.
Hundreds of others report copulating with the suspect at the same time Cantonelli did, in cities as far as Bangor, ME and as far south as Miami, FL.
It is unclear how thousands of alibis could impact a prosecution. As of the publishing time of this article, about 250 alibis are being received hourly.
“This could very likely derail a prosecution,” said federal criminal attorney Beth Swangtos, “alibis deservedly receive a high level of scrutiny. There will be a tipping point where the courts get overwhelmed and, I don’t know, they might just give up on the case.”
